“I want to, but I have work tomorrow, so I can’t get permission to go out. Next time, let’s definitely go together.”

“Really, matching our days off is the hardest part. But Lily, who did your hair?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t I know you have no skill with your hands and always just tie it back in one? Lucy? No, she cut her own hair short because she couldn’t be bothered to style it, so she probably doesn’t even know how to braid.”

I had been in the castle for a year, but the only people I could call friends were Maria and Lucy. They were the ones who had approached me first after being prompted by the head maid. In the beginning, I could barely speak, so Maria knew well how narrow my circle was.

When I said nothing in response to her curious question, Maria spoke in an excited voice, “Did you get close to someone else?”

“…Rather than close, he’s just someone who comes to the library often… Today my hair came undone, so he tied it for me.”

“Someone who comes often? Lily, is it a man?”

“Huh? Uh, yeah.”

When I averted my eyes and answered hesitantly, Maria stomped her feet, exclaiming, “Oh my, oh my!” It was obvious what she was expecting, but it was nothing like what she imagined, so I quietly pointed to the clock in the hallway.

“Aren’t you short on time?”

“Ah!”

“Be careful of pickpockets and have a good time. Don’t stay out too late, it’s dangerous. Come back early.”

“Okay, thanks. Ah, if I find a pretty hair ribbon, I’ll buy it for you.”

I gave Maria, who refused to change the subject until the end, an exasperated look as I entered my room. I heard her dash noisily back into her own room.

After closing the door, I took a paper knife from the drawer and carefully opened the outer envelope. Along with the familiar handwriting of a letter, several sheets of yellowed paper came out. I carefully set the old-looking letter on my desk and began by reading the one my mother had written.

<My dear Lily. Knowing that you are living in good health is my greatest joy.>

As always, it began with kind words, followed by news, concerns, worries, and interesting rumors.

Lying on my bed, I read about a knight who had come from Ciel, described as having black hair and red eyes with a boyish appearance, which reminded me vaguely of someone. But the addition that he was very kind and good-natured made me immediately shake my head.

It seemed my mother had greatly enjoyed her conversation with him. She wrote that since she had told him my name, he might look me up someday, so if I met him, I should give him her thanks.

What I had wanted to know was on the last page, but it wasn’t as special as I had hoped.

Regarding the ring, all she knew was what she had told me when she first gave it to me. However, while sorting through her late mother’s belongings again, she found a letter her mother had received from a friend, saying that the friend seemed to be a noble of Ciel and that she hoped it might be of help.

I sat up, folded my mother’s letter neatly, and put it back in the envelope before picking up the yellowed paper on the desk.

The decades-old paper crackled, and it looked as though it might crumble if handled too roughly. The ink had blurred, making it hard to read completely, but as my mother had said, it was clear the sender was a noble.

And this person seemed not only to know my grandmother’s identity but also to have feelings for her beyond friendship.

“Wishing for your happiness from afar. Marcien Fenrir. Fenrir?”

I suddenly remembered that Ares’s surname was Fenrir. It was an unwelcome coincidence.

There was much I wanted to know about my grandmother, whose face I couldn’t even remember. Unlike me, she had been a true succubus, not a half-blood. Even my mother, her daughter, didn’t know much about her. I didn’t know how much this friend knew, but if possible, I wanted to meet them.

The problem was, I didn’t know if this person was even still alive, and even if they were, where they might be. Of course, I might find out if I asked Ares, but thinking of him earlier, sobbing, made me feel conflicted. In my succubus form, I couldn’t just go to him, and in this form, we had only just met for the first time earlier, so I couldn’t ask him such things.

Still, the good news was that the ring’s whereabouts had been found. I was waiting for Damian, but I had never imagined I would want to see him this much. However, since I didn’t know when he would return, until then I would likely have to make an embarrassing request to Endymion.

Carefully putting the fragile letter back into the envelope, I smiled bitterly. I had said I disliked his feelings for me, yet here I was needing him when it suited me. I felt self-contempt at the sight of myself in such a situation. Once everything was over, I would definitely apologize to the commanders, even if it was a hypocritical act just to ease my own conscience.

I wanted to find the ring as soon as possible and return to a body no longer swayed by instinct or pleasure. Placing my hands together neatly, I exhaled as if in prayer.

***

When I had my first wet dream, a prostitute was brought to the estate. Though I was curious about sex, the pungent stench of cosmetics and the sticky touch brushing against my skin made me nauseous. My whole body broke out in a red rash, and I was sick for days. The second and third times were the same.

Since then, I had never felt lust toward a woman, but I could not boast about being unable to fulfill the role of a man, so I let people think what they wanted.

On a battlefield full of men, lewd jokes were commonplace. But I was past the age to blush or cover my ears and run, so I let them pass.

Drinking the lukewarm liquor rationed to keep our body temperature up, pretending to know and to have done everything was second nature. I was not impatient. I was optimistic that someday, when the time came, I would meet someone so lovely that just seeing them would make my body heat up and my face flush.

And I met her. A woman so lovely that just seeing her made my body heat up and my face flush. On the bed of my closest friend.

Having never liked anyone or harbored feelings for anyone, the succubus’s allure did not work on me.

“Hup, hhic, she was so beautiful I thought it was a dream, at first I thought she was an angel…”

“You are drunk, Ares. That is enough, let’s go back.”

“But you, you did that to me…”

“Ha…”

“Where did she go! Hm? Where did our lady go!”

“……”

You saw her earlier. You saw her that close, so why could you not recognize her?

Suppressing the urge to grab him by the collar and snap at him, Endymion emptied the glass in front of Ares and poured water.

Ares had searched the entire castle all day like a man hunting rats, but he had not found her or even seen someone similar, and he shed tears as he said so. Endymion, looking pitifully at the young man so drunk he did not even know what he was saying, unconsciously touched his lips.

While he had been running around, Lily had been in Endymion’s arms. He found her so lovely he could hardly stand it. He felt he might never have such feelings for anyone else again. But he did not want to monopolize her. Even if Lily spent the night with other men. After all, he himself had thought of her while relieving his lust with other women.

The feelings Endymion had for Lily were truly pure affection. Of course, he also had the desire to freely indulge in her white body and leave his mark, but simply being by her side, watching her bright smile, was enough.

That was why, if he had not made a promise to Lily, he might have told his foolish and pitiful friend the truth. But seeing him boast about liking her when he could not even recognize her face-to-face annoyed him, so the sharp insults and consolation he gave were the most generous care he could show.

“It was my first time, my first…”

“If you say that one more time, it will be the seventieth time I’ve heard when you lost your virginity. Stop it.”

Endymion sighed. Ares was so weak to alcohol that a few beers could make him lose himself, and whenever he was upset, he always called Endymion to drink. It was bothersome, but today, with his eyes and nose red and his voice hoarse as he mumbled, Endymion could understand him.

The Ares Endymion knew had never even held a woman’s hand and was completely ignorant about sex, a big child in a large body. And the woman in question would not even meet him unless she came to him first, and she was a succubus. Before realizing it was his late first love, he had first learned physical pleasure, so of course he was clumsy and confused.

“I want to see her. Our lady.”

Even during long absences on missions or when she did not come to the castle to see him, he had never felt this way. In fact, seeing her face had embarrassed him so much he had run away. He had never imagined she would suddenly disappear after spending three years together searching for a ring that might not even exist.

Even though it was water instead of alcohol, Ares did not notice and drained the glass before starting to cry again. Thanks to the night market being open, there was no one around, which was fortunate.